In the corporate world, we often emphasise the importance of helping and mentoring. However, it's essential to understand the delicate balance between being a supportive mentor and falling into the trap of becoming a rescuer. The difference can significantly impact both personal and organisational growth.

The Thin Line Between Mentoring and Rescuing

Mentoring is about guiding and supporting employees to develop their skills and confidence. It's an ongoing relationship that fosters learning and growth. However, sometimes the desire to help can cross into rescuing, where the mentor starts taking over responsibilities and solving problems for others. This behaviour can create dependency and hinder the mentee's growth.

A Real-Life Example:

Consider the case of Philip and Emilia. Philip, a long-time employee who had recently become the CEO, prided himself on being a "people person." He believed in developing his staff and took a keen interest in Emilia, the newly appointed Vice President of Finance. Eager to help her succeed, Philip frequently intervened in her work, offering advice and guidance.

At first, Emilia appreciated Philip's support. But as time went on, she began to feel stifled. Philip's continual involvement made her feel like he didn't trust her capabilities. Instead of building her confidence, his actions led her to doubt her abilities. Emilia realised that Philip's need to help was more about his own need for validation than her professional development. She decided to take control of her career by presenting her achievements to Philip and asking him to step back from his micro-management​​ .

The Psychology Behind Rescuing

The need to rescue often stems from unresolved emotional issues. People who fall into the rescuer trap may have grown up feeling responsible for others' well-being. This background can create a compulsion to help, driven by a need for approval and self-worth. However, this behaviour can be detrimental in a professional setting, leading to burnout for the rescuer and dependency for the person being "helped."

Avoiding the Rescuer Trap

To avoid becoming a rescuer, it's crucial to develop self-awareness and understand the motivations behind your desire to help. Ask yourself:

• Are you helping to genuinely support someone's growth, or are you trying to fulfill your own emotional needs?
• Are your actions fostering independence or creating dependency?
• Are you offering support that encourages problem-solving, or are you taking over tasks that others should handle themselves?

Building Constructive Helping Relationships

Effective mentors focus on empowering others. Here are some strategies to ensure your help is constructive:

1. Set Clear Boundaries: Understand where your support should end and allow others to take responsibility for their tasks.
2. Encourage Independence: Provide guidance and resources, but let the mentee find their solutions.
3. Reflect on Your Motives: Regularly assess your reasons for helping. Ensure they align with the goal of fostering growth and independence.
4. Seek Feedback: Ask for feedback on your mentoring approach to ensure it is beneficial and not overbearing.

By maintaining this balance, you can help others achieve their potential while fostering a healthy, productive work environment.

Written by Aneta Natova (LeadFit Global)

Inspired by insights from Manfred Kets de Vries in "Are you a mentor, a helper or a rescuer?" (Organizational Dynamics, 2013)​​ .